When I first learned that I was pregnant, I assumed that I would read ALL the books I could get my hands on about being pregnant and delivering my own little bundle of joy. After all, I'm an avid reader and a librarian--it makes sense that I would be all about reading all the books.
But I quickly discovered that, like Dr. Google, books can be an unwitting and powerful source of confusion and anxiety for a pregnant woman. And let's face it, I need no extra sources of anxiety. My brain is is great at that already. So instead of devouring all the books, I found myself eyeballing them critically.
That resulted in my doing away with What to Expect When Expecting, the seemingly quintessential pregnancy text of the United States.
Why?
Well, let's be honest: who needs the negative perspective What to Expect has a proclivity for pushing into the forefront?
Not me.
I picked up a copy of The Mayo Clinic's Guide to Pregnancy, which was a much handier and less anxiety inducing reference text. My midwife started sending me home with books as well, like The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth and Birthing from Within.
I used all three of those as reference books, but for a while, I didn't read much of anything. I was happy asking my bestie to Google any questions I had and filter the results back to me, or asking my midwife if I needed to know something.
Then one of the girls on a social media pregnancy group I'm on mentioned Expecting Better, by Emily Oster. After checking it out on Amazon, I ordered a copy. I found my other favorites, Bringing Up Bebe and The Fourth Trimester randomly through searches and Amazon adventures. Then, a friend recommended Holy Labor on her blog.
These four books have come together to create my pregnancy reading list.
Now, let me be clear: I am not claiming this to be THE list that everyone should read. There are thousands of books on pregnancy and labor and childrearing. Different books will (and should) resonate with different people. These are just the books that resonated with me.
And each of these books is an interesting blend of practical and philosophical approaches to pregnancy and childbirth. None are a "how-to" really--they focus on the philosophy behind the decisions we make. That works for me. And really, if you know me, then you probably aren't surprised by that--I am pretty big into examining why we do what we do, because that's where I believe it all stems from.
That's where Expecting Better cam into play. Something that immediately frustrated me about pregnancy was all about the conflicting, anxiety-fueling information that's out there. Five sources can give you five conflicting answers, and every one is followed with "be sure to check with your healthcare provider," which I am pretty sure is CYA-speak for "we aren't liable for you or your pregnancy, because someone else is."
Oster, an economist and mama, had a similar experience in her first pregnancy, which sent her on the journey to writing such an incredibly helpful book. Oster tackles hot topic pregnancy issues (like alcohol, eating deli meat, or cleaning the litter box) by delving into what the research actually says about them. Some of the results are surprising and some are not, but they are all very reassuring and empowering. Reading this book takes the holy-crap fear out of the fact that you ate a hot dog the other day before remembering that you're eight weeks pregnant. Odds are, that hot dog was perfectly safe.
I love the book for just that reason: it approaches pregnancy with basic common sense and as many facts as Oster could pull together. And that's what makes it easy to recommend this book to any newly pregnant woman. Because here's the real deal for me: I am all about balance. I often feel that I spend most of my life chasing balance, which is a good and noble quest.
Oster's book allows for approaching pregnancy with a balanced mindset. Of course, we all want to protect our babies, but maybe that doesn't mean we have to feel like pregnancy is nine months of stress, anxiety, and self-denial.
And this quest for balance was continued as I read Bringing Up Bebe, which might be my favorite of the four books. It is part memoir, part parenting book, written by Pamela Druckerman, an American journalist who married an Englishman and moved to Paris. She and her husband started their family there, and she discovered that parenting in Paris is different than parenting in the United States.
It was the kind of book that was hard to put down. I devoured it, fascinated and affirmed and empowered.
Without retelling you all the good details of the book, and without pontificating too much, the biggest reason I loved this book was due to the fact that French ideals of parenting resonated with me: food is a critical part of education (they start babies on veggies rather than rice cereal, and kids menus actually don't exist in France), children need lots of independent play time, and there's much less inherent anxiety over accelerating children in school, athletics, or activities. I know that's not everyone's cup of tea, but I found it empowering and interesting. Plus, Druckerman's writing style is humorous, fresh, and easy-to-read.
A slightly less easy-to-read book came next, but that fact not withstanding, I found Holy Labor to be an incredibly important. Aubrey Smith's book focuses on the spiritual aspect of giving birth, which was a great perspective to consider. It gave me a lot to think about about in regards to my prayer life and how God can use birth to teach me something. Considering birth from a spiritual angle helped me, in a lot of ways, to approach birth with less fear.
The last book I read was Kimberly Johnson's The Fourth Trimester. Johnson is a bona fide hippy-granola, but she has some great insight into the time after your baby is born, often referred to as the fourth trimester.
The United States, I am sad to say, is practically famous for its poor maternity/paternity leave options (and if you want more information on this issue and why it's such an issue, check out this informative Ted Talk). But something else the US isn't great at: postpartum maternity care (read this article at ProPublica. YIKES).
Johnson's book tackles this post birth time, addressing how important rest and help and good care of one's self is after giving birth. She also talks about things like birth trauma, pelvic floor therapy, and coping with the tremendous hormones that one experiences after baby is born.
I found the book super helpful for postpartum planning. Johnson stresses pelvic floor therapy, an idea that is surprisingly not prevalent in the US. I first came across pelvic floor therapy when I saw an Endometriosis specialist, who recommended it to me. At the time, I was horrified, never having heard of such a thing before. But the more research I did on PFT, the more it made sense to me. And post baby, it makes even more sense, when issues like urinary incontinence or prolapse happen. Not all her ideas or stories were useful, but I found several helpful ideas in it.
Overall, these were the four major books that I spent time with during my pregnancy. And now that Huxton is here, I am glad that these were the books I read.
So how about you? What pregnancy books were invaluable to you when you were cooking your bebe?
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