Isolation Station

I don't know if anyone else ever feels isolated, but I sure do. More and more in the past few months, and that reality troubles me.

You see, I'm not some crazy cat lady who is sitting at home and pining away for friends or love or something to do. I have a great job, a wonderful husband, a ranch that's teeming with life, a church that's full of awesome people...I have very little to complain about, really.

Yet I feel so very, very alone a lot of the time.

My mama, who I adore, lives a long ways away.

My bestie lives about five hours northeast of us.

I have some great girlfriends at church, but they are all young mothers now.

I look around and notice that I seem to be the only one of my kind in the circle we run in. I am a working, married woman with no children.

I never thought calling myself that would feel so...bleck.

I am finding more and more that I don't care about my career so much (even though I like what I do), so the women I work with, who are these working-mom-power-houses-of-errand-running-meeting-going-superwomen, aren't really the kind of gals I can talk to. All the women at church, who are incredible, sweet, stay-at-home moms that I deeply admire, are all busy being stay-at-home moms. I'm not a part of MOPs, since I don't have children, so I am out of the loop a lot.

I don't mean to complain, because (as I said above) I have a great life. It is full and enriched and I am blessed to know all the people that surround me. But I am still left feeling very isolated and alone.

A few weeks ago, a girlfriend of mine announced her pregnancy. I am so over the moon for her and her husband, who are incredible people and will be wonderful parents. She and I had commiserated over trouble getting pregnant, and it was nice to have someone in the same boat as I. Not that I would wish that on anyone, but it's nice to not feel alone.

Now she has left that boat (a fact that I am thankful for), and I am out there, bobbing alone again.

Last weekend, I was able to travel home to Washington State for a long weekend and family get-together. While at a family friend's home, I got to sit down with an old friend of mine, who was my teacher and mentor when I was in middle school. This dear woman was one of three incredible women who taught me how to write.

She and I got to talking and I was telling her about this feeling of isolation, the difficulties getting pregnant, and health troubles. She listened attentively, the way she always has, then looked me straight in the eye and told me something that I've been thinking about since.

She said, "It sounds like God has you in a time of isolation to prepare you for what's to come. I think you might need to spend some time asking Him what he wants to reveal to you."

WHAM!!!

Talk about being hit right between the eyes with the truth!

Not to say it all became clear to me at that moment (trust me, there's still plenty of fog), but a few things did become a little more transparent.

First, I think she's absolutely right. When I consider all the things that have happened in the past year, I can see a pattern that leads right to the feet of the Father. He's been beckoning me, calling me, asking me to come talk to Him.

Second, the Bible has always guaranteed that troubles and trials will come along. Never does it say that there will be times of beautiful happiness; no, it just says that there will be times of trouble, and we must prepare for them, physically and spiritually. This is a time of preparation.

For what? you might ask. I am asking the same question, and I don't have an answer yet.

But I am asking that He show me where I meant to go, and what I am meant to learn. I am asking that He would help me believe and trust all that He promises to me.

Each night, when I write in my journal, I end my entry with these words from Isaiah, which have become my prayer: