Maybe, Baby

Hubster and I are considering when to start a family.

This is something that causes me great excitement and great trepidation. It's thrilling to think about, truly, because babies are awesome and we want a family. It's terrifying because, well, a baby means, a baby. A whole person that we'll be solely responsible for. YIKES!!!

And while this is something that I think about and wonder about, Hubster is about as relaxed as they come. His attitude is that of measured calm. When I ask if he's sure we're really ready to have a baby, he says, "Absolutely! Let's do this!"

Then I tell him that he has Adorexia (a mental condition in which you don't worry about anything), like Josh Harnett's character in Lucky Number Sleven.

Josh Hartnett and Lucy Lui in Lucky Number Sleven

Okay, not really. He's doesn't have anything remotely close to Adorexia, but he does have something I do not: the ability to let things go and let them work out how they will. He is great at rolling with the flow and doesn't have the need to control things. He always does his best, tries as hard as he can, and calls it good from there. When I worry about having a baby, he usually says something like, "If such-and-such can have a baby, then we're going to be just fine."

I usually laugh, but still: I wonder about this whole-having-a-baby-thing.

I want to have a baby, I know that for a fact. I'm not sure when it happened, or why, but it did. I woke up one day and just knew that it was what I wanted.

But there's an anxiety that goes hand in hand with acknowledging such a thing.

What if I'm not good at being a mom?

YIKES!!!

You see, Hubster and I are currently the only childless couple in our circle of friends. So we spend a lot of time with people who have kids, and hear all sides of the spectrum of advice. Since we are newlyweds, we get a lot of "don't get in a hurry to have kids. You can have fun now; you'll be boring once you have kids." But we also get plenty of, "When are you guys going to start? There's nothing like it. Kids are the best."

It's a little confusing for me. Hubster goes blithely on, which is something I love about him. I don't get it, but I love it. It helps to balance me out.

Yet I can't help but wonder what it is about our society that seems to bi-polarize feeling about parenthood. On the one hand, people tell us what a joy children are, how there's nothing else like it, and how it's totally worth it. Then on the other hand, they tell us what a drag it is to be a parent, how you have to give up so much, and how boring you become when you are a parent.

Where's the balance?

The both ends of the extreme talk make it hard for me to figure out where I stand. And maybe the real lesson is that I need to not listen or care about what people say so much. But still. Why so extreme? Shouldn't there be a happy medium?

So while the thought of having a baby both terrifies and excites me, I think this is what I've decided: My friend, Sarah (who keeps a great motherhood blog) said it best: "When you are more ready than not ready, that's when you have a baby."

She's right. After all, people will always have opinions, and they will always share them. But despite what they say, I'v decided: I think I am more ready than not ready. Hubster and I will have our own experience with having a baby, and will learn about it all on our own.

So, I don't know when we'll start this whole baby-making adventure, but I do know this: With my adorable Hubster and a little faith in the Lord, starting a family will work out just the way it's supposed to.